I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
