im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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