Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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