I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Randomize
