Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
