Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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