There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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