Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I just went to clothing optional bar
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
