your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
