I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
