i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
