Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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