Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude i'm inner monologue high
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
