I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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