At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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