508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
