Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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