this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
