Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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