i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
vagina is talking i cant
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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