I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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