you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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