I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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