Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
