So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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