I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
