it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
