I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
