Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dick very happy bro
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
