WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
