I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
