um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
