Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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