I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
