They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
