worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
