My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
