My first STD was from a foam party
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
