the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
