so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
