i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
