I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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