Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
