she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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