So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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