my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
