He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
