Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
