she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
