Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think my fart just growled at me.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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